Hallelujah!!

I participated in a futbol(soccer) tournament on Saturday and now I'm really into it. I even bought big socks yesterday and I can't wait until I have to lay them out in the sun to de-stinkify them. I wanted to buy shin guards but they didn't have my size.
I was worried at first because on the way to the tourney I was going through the release form and the words "gross negligence" must've appeared 50 times. Even though it was supposed to be a friendly tournament involving mostly teams from churches, these 'Charlie Churches' play pretty rough! I was playing Right Forward and the defenders were so worried about me (because I look so splendidly athletic. Yeah right) that they were grabbing me and fouling me. On one particular play I was running for a ball and was about to pass the defender and beat him to it but instead of just letting me go, he fouled me and I went tumbling out of bounds. I wish so badly that I had faked an injury there but I was pretty angry and went to confront him about his religious beliefs, "your god cleans the outhouse in the kingdom of heaven".
The collective highlight of the day was at the beginning when the starting lineups had to "gather around for a word with the lord". It eventually began to escalate and ended up with frantic arm waving and random yellings of "Hallelujah!" and "Praise the Lord!", "Praise Jesus!" and "Jesus loves you!" Our guys were real uncomfortable as they never in their lives had their hands above their heads, not even after scoring a golden goal.
The guy who lead the prayer ended up getting a yellow card for rough play after our guy simply complained that he wasn't having fun anymore.
Who's gonna save your soul now, biatch?