Top 10 Signs an Astronaut is Attempting to Kill You

10. She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside down
9. Been getting threatening emails from Connie@InternationalSpaceStation.com
8. Says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse
7. She poisons your Tang
6. Her previous attempts to kill you have been postponed due to high winds
5. You were on the "Maury" episode: "I Had A Booty Call And Now An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill Me"
4. It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you
3. She promises to "Take you out like Pluto"
2. You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house
1. Says, "This is a giant leap for mankind" as she tosses you off a bridge

-Letterman